Is that it?
by Silver Starshine
Summary: Thoughts going through Meilins head...


Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of the characters

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of the characters. The wonderful people at CLAMP do.  
  
Ok this is my first attempt at posting a fic. I hope you all enjoy it! =) Any comments would be appreciated, but please don't be too harsh if you don't like it.  
  
  


  
Really good friends… 

That's what you answered when I asked you what we were. 

"You are my really good friend and I love you". 

If you love me then why don't you want me? What is it that makes her so special? What am I lacking that she is clearly radiating with?

I sit here and I look at the pictures of us. Photos that were taken before she came dancing into your life. Once they were your cherished possessions and now they are an ever-fading impression on your heart. She is continuously on your mind, as I grow fainter. The misty splashes fall and I painfully race to rub them out, but they cascade faster than I can erase them. I don't care if you think I'm weak. 

Is that it? Is that why it's her and not me? I'm not strong enough? 

I don't have any mystical powers but I have a strong spirit and I can take on any clow card that comes my way. I can hold my own in a battle. I'm not a little girl who needs protection. Is my disposition not sweet enough for you? I don't laugh with bells in my voice. Gumdrops don't cloud my vision, is that what's wrong? If that's not it then what else could it be? 

Is it my appearance? Is that it Syaoran, I don't have clear orbs of jade? I have plain ordinary reddish brown eyes. No one describes brown eyes as jewels glittering like your precious emeralds do. If you would just take a closer look you would see the fire within them, the passion that burns only for you. Love, that's what's in the depths of them just look and you'll see. I really love you, more than Kinomoto ever can. She doesn't know you the way I know you, and yet you still choose her over me. 

I was the one who was always there for you. I watched from the sidelines as you trained. I witnessed the transformation from an eager child eyes full of wonder into a noble warrior, glowing amber full of determination and power. Your spirit is truly brave and strong like your namesake the wolf. Don't you want a tigress to run beside you? 

No…no instead you choose the gentle blossom. 

Is it because she needs you that you run to her? You do have a soft spot for damsels in distress. No that's unfair to say. Sakura isn't a princess who needs rescuing. She is strong and her strength comes from her heart. That pure heart of hers that is always kind to me even when I am cold to her.

I hate myself for feeling this way. 

She is a good friend to you and to me as well. You used to be my only friend. You truly understood me, and you were always there with a kind word and a gentle hug. You smoothed away midnight strands from a face that was scarlet from sleepless nights of tears. You did it. You made me love you. You were too kind and gentle with me; you made me feel as though I was the only one who mattered. That I was special...but now she's the one who is special. 

I know she loves you. 

I can see it shining in her eyes. She only smiles that way for you. And you love her too. Maybe that's it. I love you, but she is in love with you. She is the best for you, your true love. She's the one who makes your face turn red and not with embarrassment but instead with hidden delight. 

I should just walk away and never look back. 

Go and start a new life with somebody else and let you be a forgotten page in the chronicles of my past…I can't do that. Why can't I do that? I…I just can't survive without you in my life. So that's it…I can't be the one you desire but I can be one whom you love. I'll remain here, the loyal friend 'till the end. I won't be the one you turn to when the storms become too hectic and I won't be the one you seek out for affection and comfort. I can't turn to you anymore, I'll break down and confess everything and then I'll lose you. I'll lose the friendship I've worked so hard to build. Though it's killing me like a bitter poison slowly spreading through my body I'll let you go. I'll give you the wings so you can soar to her, please hurry. Go…just…go… before I change my mind, and so in response to you I answer, 

"Yes, Syaoran our engagement is over".  
  



End file.
